The marital mystery-By Kamlesh Bahukhandi


by Kamalesh Bahukhandi on Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 3:25pm

“You can either be happy or married,” opined a cynical man. One may, however, object to the subjective use of the conjunction ‘or’. If you look around, you can see scores of unmarried people who are also unhappy. Actually conjugal relation has a mystic side.There never is a blood relation between husband and wife. Their social upbringings, likes and dislikes are not from the same spectrum. Still, they stay together and raise a family. And barring some cases, a subtle understanding carries the two “till death does them part”. What could be the magic behind such a long-standing association? Is it a game of pituitary gland, the bondage of offspring or a platonic dependence? Perhaps each one is partly true but none in totality. What clicks the relation is not fully understood even today. Maybe, that non-understandability is the key to success in majority of the marriages. To describe the co-existence, a novelist once wrote: “The marital relation stands on the brick work of fights, interspersed with bits of love.” Better not to tinker with living couples in such risky ventures.We will try to explore the relation through ghostly stories. A young wife committed suicide due to constant torture by her husband. He never cared for her, but demanded her attention day and night. In her ghostly existence, the wife planned to take revenge. She met a scribe (me) and voluntarily agreed to give an interview. I was too obliged to get such a scoop. I asked: “Madam, do you think your husband is responsible for your suicide?” The ghost said: “Absolutely. I had no other way to put him in his place.” I asked: “How do you describe the man?” The ghost spewed a few classical invectives before painting a colourful picture of the mean and obnoxious being she had to accept as husband. I then asked: “Do you really want him to be convicted for your unnatural death?” The ghost wife hissed: “I want him to be severely punished for his attitude towards me. Please ensure that he is hanged and sent to me at the earliest.” I was surprised. “I understand that you want him to die. But why do you ask him to be sent to you?” The ghost genuinely blushed at this point and answered in a whisper: “You better ask the question to your wife!” Thank God I am not married ,I said. An opposite story is also heard about the undefined relationship. A husband suddenly died of heart failure. Naturally the wife was grief-stricken. She cried a lot. One day she sat on a planchette and started calling her departed partner heart and soul. The husband did not dare ignore the call. The wife asked: “Are you there?” The planchette wrote: “Yes.” The lady lamented: “Why did you leave me alone in this lifeless world?” The planchette remained motionless. The lady asked: “How are you now?” The planchette wrote: “In a peaceful and blissful state with myself.” The wife wept: “Bless me so that I can also join you there, soon.” The planchette did not answer. The wife repeated the plea. Still there was no answer. The lady then shouted: “You are playing your other worldly tricks to ignore me.” The planchette started shaking and a clear sentence became visible: “God bless you to live hundred years!” Interpretation rests on the readers and let me also know , what it's according to you.
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Bishwanath Singh

I am happy that my friend has chosen this topic for our meaningful discussion. One should always bear in mind that the marriages are made in heaven and it is union of two souls. Unless, the destiny permits, he can't marry a particular lad...y eve though he is very much in love with her and vice-versa. The bondage of love is not a purchasable commodity in the market when one can buy on throw-way prices. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction .Love can also be referred specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the sexual love of Eros to the emotional closeness of familial love, or to the platonic love that defines friendship, to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love. This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the arts. Although the nature or essence of love is a subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what isn't love. As a general expression of positive sentiment, love is commonly contrasted with hate as a less sexual and more emotionally intimate form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is commonly contrasted with friendship, although other definitions of the word love may be. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing, including oneself .In addition to cross-cultural differences in understanding love, ideas about love have also changed greatly over time. All you need is love. The love is to be delighted by the happiness of another. Though, we are living in space age, but the greatest tragedy one comes across that our present generation specially most of youths have started neglecting their spouse after their marriage and start fighting with each other even on flimsy grounds like demand of dowry, infatuations towards other opposite sex and imbalance in there I.Q & lack of mutual respects and because of superiority & inferiority complex that they often suffer. All these problems must be settled down amicably amongst married couples and try to adjust to live very happily together to have blissful married life. Let us hope & pray for all the best to all married couples who could set as example to others as how to lead a very successful married life!

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f.b.

September 22,2010.